One of my male acquaintances was keen to comment on my recent blog about the sexist songs I’d been writing https://fwords.co.uk/2012/01/25/my-unfortunate-reputation-for-writing-sexist-songs-leads-to-a-commission-from-a-disgruntled-friend/
Tony the Modern Folk Poet (aka Joseph Kilhane) has heard my little ditties at the pub music night so he has an interest anyway, and he seemed particularly to have taken exception to the conversation that followed my blog post in the form of comments. Kitchen Slattern http://kitchenslattern.com/ commented that women were often “driven to the knife edge of sanity by every little thing they [men] do, or don’t do as the case may be”. She told the tale of a friend who’d backed her car down the driveway and repeatedly run over a pile of gifts her soon-to-be ex-husband had given her.
I replied with another anecdote, that of a friend of mine who’d loosened the stitches in the seat of her soon-to-be ex-bloke’s work trousers, so that the next time he sat down at work his trousers split, making him unable to stand up again for the duration of the meeting.
Someone called Learning Curve (who didn’t leave a link) told how her man had complained his “balls were shrivelling” as he reluctantly did the vacuuming.
And Diane Henders http://blog.dianehenders.com/ said my song lyric “Men, men, why is it never easy, I start off feeling horny and end up feeling queasy” – had made her “bellow with laughter”.
The Modern Folk Poet felt compelled to respond, but the poor lamb couldn’t work out how to do it. Clearly, the instructions that WordPress kindly provides, namely “Leave a reply..post your comment here… post comment” were not specific enough for him.
I’m not suggesting that he can’t follow simple instructions because he’s a man, by the way – there are plenty of men who know how to do things. If I say he’s a techno-idiot, that’s not sexist – the fact that he’s a man has nothing to do with it.
He did manage to email me his reply, though, so I’ll assist by posting it below. It’s well worth a read, as it shows how the Poet can produce a clever ditty on virtually any subject. And he can set most of them to music and perform them as comical songs on the guitar or mandolin.
“Having read this blog, I struggle
To understand its message
It must all be a joke? So?
Right! I laughed.
A woman living with a man?
Hates his guts? (but hasn’t gone)
Long-suffering? Self-sacrificing? Martyr? – or plain daft
And can somebody say from when
Women sharing homes with men
Today are still expecting
To become their slaves
I suggest it’s not the gender
That is likely to offend ‘er
But the way that said cohabitee behaves
And therefore, bad cohabitees – Are they always blokes?
Or could they be a her and not a him?!
It isn’t being male
That makes the idyll fail
It’s being inconsiderate and dim
There are males who do the cooking
(Not all of them bad-looking),
There are blokes who’ll clean throughout the house or flat
Admitted, there are others, should have stayed home with their mothers
But there’s women too, who should be doing that
The answer seems to me to be
A pre-cohabitation clause
Inserted in a document
That you both sign in blood
Is he into cooking?
Is he into cleaning?
Instead then, do you settle for a stud?
For still you stand upon the brink
With some gormless shiftless gink
Not thinking just how low you’ll sink
Or what he may become
You like ’em muscular and tough?
Or maybe just a little rough?
I know, I know, it has to be
The contours of his bum
Some women too are dim and careless,
heartless, callous, inconsiderate ,
slovenly, preoccupied, untidy round the place
Do I sound misogynistic ?
No more than you sound misanthropic !
We’re all in this together – part of
The selfish human race”
The Modern Folk Poet is available for poetry-writing commissions and live gigs. Here’s a link to his website http://www.modernfolkpoet.co.uk/ but it won’t do you much good going there, since someone else set it up for him and he doesn’t know how to update it and consequently never visits it. I’ll act as his manager and claim a commission on any bookings.
Pic credit: graur razvan ionut, http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=987