Felt initial delight on checking site stats, at seeing a relatively enormous number of comments had been posted. Most turned out to be spam, which was mildly disappointing, though funnily enough I actually rather enjoyed reading them.

Is it compulsory, I wondered, for spam to be written so badly? Why would someone who is trying to flog a service – in this case, various kinds of web-hosting and SEO – opt for Double Dutch as their language of choice?

It seems a shame that such glorious examples of mediocre English should go to waste, so here are some of the best bits before I consign them to the trash.

“I like this weblog very much, Its a very nice berth to read and obtain information,” said the first spammer.

Aw, that’s nice, thanks! First time I’ve ever been told I have a nice berth – whatever that is.

Another spammer wrote: “I don’t unremarkably comment but I gotta admit appreciate it for the post on this special one”.

Glad to hear I am appreciated, if only “unremarkably”.

Winning the award for Most Incomprehensible Mangling of the English Language is this contender:  “Thanks for spending some time to talk about this approach, I think honestly with it and then cherish reading through more to do with this subject. However, if opportunity, any time you realize know-how, everything that thought processes updating your primary net equipped with in addition details? This is useful for me.” Sic.

This latter one is so bad it’s probably the result of free online translation software. It reminded me of the results when, bored one night, I got the internet to translate Keats’ “Ode to a Nightingale” into French, and then back, then back into French, then back to English again. With each translation it became less and less coherent, and more and more funny. I might try it again sometime and post the results here.

Pic credit: Master Isolated Images, http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1962