The spammers have been out in force since last I wrote on the subject of ludicrously irrelevant and badly spelled blog comments. Is there a convention on, or something?

Anyway, checked my site tonight to see 73 new pending posts, most of them spam. It was a close-run thing but I’m always a sucker for flattery, so the prize for Best Spam Post of the Day goes to Jacki from the Phillipines, for her inspired “You put the lime in the cocnout [sic] and drink the article up”. I have no idea what you mean, Jacki, but I love you anyway.

Someone called Unity added: “You’re the grteaest! [sic]” Aw, thanks Unity – I’m in danger of getting a swollen head.

Here are the best of the rest.

Latisha, from Poland, wrote: “At last! Someone who undersatdns [sic]! Thanks for posting!” Ironically, this was a comment about my page on proof-reading.

Ellen was “super exceitd [sic] to see more of this kind of stuff online”. Frankly Ellen, you’re too easily excited.

Rocky from Brazil said: “Stay with this guys, you’re helping a lot of polpee [sic]”. That’s great to hear. I like helping polpee.

Dillanger from the Netherlands popped up to comment: “Now I know who the birany [sic] one is, I’ll keep looking for your posts”. Well, Dillanger, whoever the birany one is, it certainly ain’t you.

Janess from Poland told me: “The forum is a bigrhter [sic] place thanks to your posts.” Aw, and my spam folder is a bigrhter place thanks to your posts.

Raynes exclaimed: “Very true! Makes a change to see soemnoe spell it out like that.”

And it makes a change to see “someone” spelled like that, Raynes.

One Daisy, obviously a discerning reader, asked for “More posts of this quality. Not the usual c***, please.” You mean not the usual c** you read elsewhere, Daisy – or my usual c***?

Zaylin from Denmark wrote: “Ab fab my godoly [sic] man”. And I always thought the Scandinavians were good at English.

Keisha asked “Umm, are you really just giving this info out for notihng?” Yep, Keisha, you’re too easily impressed. Talk is cheap. I’ll talk bollocks for no charge.

Tommy in Russia said my page featuring an example of my (unpublished) fiction had solved his “problem”. Frankly, I can’t see how it can have solved anyone’s problem, other than warning them against having characters going to the pub twice in the same evening, through the author losing track and forgetting they were already there.

Susannah from Australia commented: “You are so aewsome [sic] for helping me solve this mystery”. This was a response to my post about what men really talk about (answer: toast). You never know, perhaps she’d actually read the bloody thing.

And Medford, commenting on nothing in particular, said: “I don’t know who you wrote this for but you helped a brhoter [sic] out”. Funny, I don’t know who I wrote it for either, Medford – we must be twin souls.

Pic credit: Antoine Henrich,